I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
