I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
