Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
