I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
