i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
