I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
