i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
