im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
