once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
