Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
