Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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