Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
