It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
