the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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