He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
