Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
