Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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