i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
