I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
