She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
