I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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