I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
