Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
