Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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