when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
