I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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