Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
