So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
