Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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