I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
