ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
