He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
