Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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