garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
