Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
