That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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