Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
