Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
