i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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