Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
