She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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