sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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