that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Your cock deserves a montage
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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