Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
