i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
