it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
