you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
