Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
