Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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