She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
