When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
