Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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