Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
