Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
