hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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